Sunday, May 23, 2010

the truth in my truth


"the sounding foam of primal things"


in the yoga classes i take, and even in those i now teach (frighteningly enough!), students are reminded to live yoga is to live with integrity to one's truth. the subjectivity of truth is thereby acknowledged obviously, and yet subtly, without room or reason for contestation...the multiplicity of "truth" as it exists has fascinated me for as long as i can remember, when i realized that the way in which i experience something, even my family, is very different from the way in which someone else (other family members included in the case of my example) might...it's sort of this mind-bending, potentially heavy existential question and i don't mean to make this into a post that bores or goes too much into abstractions for people to follow a really very simple idea... but i've been wondering a lot about this notion of truth lately and, inspired by the ferocious swells of the foamy, frothing ocean today, decided to share this fantastic carl sandberg poem and a photo of the fierceness (above)...


Who Am I?

by Carl Sandburg


My head knocks against the stars.
My feet are on the hilltops.
My finger-tips are in the valleys and shores of universal life.
Down in the sounding foam of primal things I reach my hands and play with pebbles of destiny.
I have been to hell and back many times.
I know all about heaven, for I have talked with God.
I dabble in the blood and guts of the terrible.
I know the passionate seizure of beauty
And the marvelous rebellion of man at all signs reading "Keep Off."


My name is Truth and I am the most elusive captive in the universe.

~~~

truth is all around us, within us, and yet IT cannot be captured, only interpreted subjectively and guessed at...yet it's real. how is this so?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

exploring in order to return...with an open heart and clear eyes




as i wrap up my time in southern california, watching the weeks slip by in the sneakily slowly(speedy)way that time seems, at the close of a chapter, to do..., i find myself getting unhelpfully nostalgic, but also perhaps productively reflective...the uncertainty of the coming months sends me scurrying to uncover the truths in my past, the places and people and experiences that have shaped themselves into the map of who i am...and i find myself wondering: from this distance i see mostly what was good in these moments, in these circumstances that in their PRESENT seemed often less than perfect, even empty; in which i found myself always searching for more-- seeing surface beauty dismissively but really focusing on that which needed fixing, alteration...

what if i could go back to each of these moments, in mapping them retrospectively through the places i've called home, and just experience them with full appreciation for the first time, with the sense of perspective i've gained from moving beyond them into newness...but then again, can i ever stop exploring? maybe this "revisitation" needs to actually happen in stages...but i'll let t.s. eliot express musings around this notion with much more eloquence ever could...



from t.s. eliot's little gidding

we shall never cease from exploration
and the end of all of our exploring
will be to arrive where we started
and know the place for the first time.



so perhaps this is life, this ever-working toward knowing places and spaces, outside and in...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

spot-on star readings...




speaks for itself. [from Free Will Astrology]


Aries Horoscope for week of May 13, 2010

What happens when someone "sells out"? Typically, it refers to a person who overrides her highest artistic standards or her soul's mandates in order to make a bundle of money. But I want to enlarge the definition to encompass any behavior that seeks popular appeal at the expense of authenticity, or any action that sacrifices integrity for the sake of gaining power. I think you have to be especially on guard against this lapse in the coming days, Aries -- not only in yourself but also in those you're close to.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

contemplating bars, wings, and song...





Sympathy

by Paul Laurence Dunbar

I know what the caged bird feels, alas!
When the sun is bright on the upland slopes;
When the wind stirs soft through the springing grass,
And the river flows like a stream of glass;
When the first bird sings and the first bud opes,
And the faint perfume from its chalice steals—
I know what the caged bird feels!


I know why the caged bird beats his wing
Till its blood is red on the cruel bars;
For he must fly back to his perch and cling
When he fain would be on the bough a-swing;
And a pain still throbs in the old, old scars
And they pulse again with a keener sting—
I know why he beats his wing!


I know why the caged bird sings, ah me,
When his wing is bruised and his bosom sore,—
When he beats his bars and he would be free;
It is not a carol of joy or glee,
But a prayer that he sends from his heart’s deep core,
But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings—
I know why the caged bird sings!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caged Bird


by Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou
A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.


But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.


The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.


The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.


The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

we are all made of stars

nothing is perhaps more exciting than finding a surprise of a poem that quickens one's pulse and opens one's heart with a joy in hearing, seeing, feeling that one's own, perhaps until now inarticulatable experience, amorphous but oh so real ideas, have been not only shared by someone else, but captured in a way that sings truth...


i had this wonderful surprise this morning when i opened my inbox holding my poem of the day email from poetryfoundation.org...a new one, from a poet unfamiliar to me. i apologize if any of you subscribe to this email list as well and already got this dose of poetic beauty today but i couldn't resist including it here!





Imagining Starry
by Marie Ponsot


The place of language is the place between me

and the world of presences I have lost

—complex country, not flat. Its elements free-

float, coherent for luck to come across;

its lines curve as in a mental orrery

implicit with stars in active orbit,

only their slowness or swiftness lost to sense.

The will dissolves here. It becomes the infinite

air of imagination that stirs immense

among losses and leaves me less desolate.

Breathing it I spot a sentence or a name,

a rescuer, charted for recovery,

to speak against the daily sinking flame

& the shrinking waters of the mortal sea.


~

how beautifully ponsot speaks of the way in which we can use language and imagination to understand and heal our own internal landscapes. amazing how true it is that by letting go of the will, letting it expand into new dimensions of unexplored size and shape and scope through breath [inhale, exhale] we can alleviate feelings of isolation, of loss. here it is that we map the constellations of our relationships with others and with the larger universe, the "rescuers" who connect us once more by helping us to focus not solely upon what is "daily" or "mortal" but what in us is infinite...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

tracking the winds, charting a course...




since moving here, i've noticed that people in these beach cities are a bit preoccupied with weather vanes...where back in new jersey these, serving both scientific and artistic functions, are typically reserved for the handful of quaint old barns and farmhouses nestled into the once-open rolling hills of a present-day housing development complete with golf course, here these trackers of the wind's whimsy are decorative elements on nearly every third or so home...those i've included in the photos above and directly below follow the most common trend of the nautical theme...a whale's nose or a swordfish tale pointing out the source and the course of the current breeze...




but this one here is a favorite of mine...a desert scene, complete with the sombrero-sporting, guitar-strumming caballero and some coyotes...



with the winds that are characterizing these recent days at the seashore, and inland as well, as blustery ones, i've been thinking about the wind's power, literally so of course, but also of the way in which it serves to indicate, metaphorically speaking, direction and the mapping of the future and its course...the phrase "the winds of change" holds within its meaning a connection between humans and the elemental...our destinies tied up with these cosmic forces...the markers on the weather vane spin, a recognition of a shift from east to west, or vice versa, or to the north or to the south... bringing us perhaps a complete one-hundred and eighty degrees from where we began that very same morning.

it's easy to imagine, maybe comforting even, that one's fate is determined by the winds, even by that measured by a wrought iron sea creature...it makes an allowance for the blaming of circumstance for any given outcome and lifts the sometimes staggering weight of individual responsibility...but what if one chooses not to be moved by the wind, not to take the direction upon which it decides and instead, charts one's own course in spite of the challenge that comes with this conviction...

i include today a poem by ella wheeler wilcox that expresses just this possibility, but at nautical fact...

THE WINDS OF FATE

one ship drives east and another drives west
with the selfsame winds that blow
'tis he set of the sails
and not of the gales
which tells us the way to go.

like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
as we voyage along through life;
'tis the set of a soul
that decides the goal,
and not the calm or the strife.



~
how empowering a concept! to imagine that circumstance, as something external, does not write one's story, and that everything one needs in order to follow one's heart is to believe in and listen to that "selfsame" unique and individual heart.

Monday, May 10, 2010

owl wisdom...

this weekend, emily surprised me with the loveliest necklace from a local thrift store; i'd had my eye on it, tried it on, but had decided against buying it-- sneakily, she scooped it up and purchased it for me, presenting it bubblingly as we mosied home on sunday afternoon...this little owl with sparkling eyes is my favorite new accessory, an accentof beauty and a talisman of wisdom that i wil take with me into the newness of my coming adventures!




this little fellow has gotten me thinking about the owl, one of my favorite birds..., in poetry and in literature....i've included two poems today where the wise creature is featured, captured elusively and precisely simultaneously....

first is~



A Barred Owl

by Richard Wilbur

Richard Wilbur
The warping night air having brought the boom
Of an owl's voice into her darkened room,
We tell the wakened child that all she heard
Was an odd question from a forest bird,
Asking of us, if rightly listened to,
"Who cooks for you?" and then "Who cooks for you?"


Words, which can make our terrors bravely clear,
Can also thus domesticate a fear,
And send a small child back to sleep at night
Not listening for the sound of stealthy flight
Or dreaming of some small thing in a claw
Borne up to some dark branch and eaten raw.
& second is one of my favorite poems of all time; the owl is only mentioned, but i think he plays an important part in creating the magic and the mood of the piece...

Fern Hill

by Dylan Thomas


Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green,
The night above the dingle starry,
Time let me hail and climb
Golden in the heydays of his eyes,
And honoured among wagons I was prince of the apple towns
And once below a time I lordly had the trees and leaves
Trail with daisies and barley
Down the rivers of the windfall light.


And as I was green and carefree, famous among the barns
About the happy yard and singing as the farm was home,
In the sun that is young once only,
Time let me play and be
Golden in the mercy of his means,
And green and golden I was huntsman and herdsman, the calves
Sang to my horn, the foxes on the hills barked clear and cold,
And the sabbath rang slowly
In the pebbles of the holy streams.


All the sun long it was running, it was lovely, the hay
Fields high as the house, the tunes from the chimneys, it was air
And playing, lovely and watery
And fire green as grass.
And nightly under the simple stars
As I rode to sleep the owls were bearing the farm away,
All the moon long I heard, blessed among stables, the nightjars
Flying with the ricks, and the horses
Flashing into the dark.


And then to awake, and the farm, like a wanderer white
With the dew, come back, the cock on his shoulder: it was all
Shining, it was Adam and maiden,
The sky gathered again
And the sun grew round that very day.
So it must have been after the birth of the simple light
In the first, spinning place, the spellbound horses walking warm
Out of the whinnying green stable
On to the fields of praise.


And honoured among foxes and pheasants by the gay house
Under the new made clouds and happy as the heart was long,
In the sun born over and over,
I ran my heedless ways,
My wishes raced through the house high hay
And nothing I cared, at my sky blue trades, that time allows
In all his tuneful turning so few and such morning songs
Before the children green and golden
Follow him out of grace,


Nothing I cared, in the lamb white days, that time would take me
Up to the swallow thronged loft by the shadow of my hand,
In the moon that is always rising,
Nor that riding to sleep
I should hear him fly with the high fields
And wake to the farm forever fled from the childless land.
Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,
Time held me green and dying
Though I sang in my chains like the sea.


finally, if you haven't yet read GWINNA, please do!the owl wisdom here is transformative....