as i wrap up my time in southern california, watching the weeks slip by in the sneakily slowly(speedy)way that time seems, at the close of a chapter, to do..., i find myself getting unhelpfully nostalgic, but also perhaps productively reflective...the uncertainty of the coming months sends me scurrying to uncover the truths in my past, the places and people and experiences that have shaped themselves into the map of who i am...and i find myself wondering: from this distance i see mostly what was good in these moments, in these circumstances that in their PRESENT seemed often less than perfect, even empty; in which i found myself always searching for more-- seeing surface beauty dismissively but really focusing on that which needed fixing, alteration...
what if i could go back to each of these moments, in mapping them retrospectively through the places i've called home, and just experience them with full appreciation for the first time, with the sense of perspective i've gained from moving beyond them into newness...but then again, can i ever stop exploring? maybe this "revisitation" needs to actually happen in stages...but i'll let t.s. eliot express musings around this notion with much more eloquence ever could...
from t.s. eliot's little gidding
we shall never cease from exploration
and the end of all of our exploring
will be to arrive where we started
and know the place for the first time.
so perhaps this is life, this ever-working toward knowing places and spaces, outside and in...
No comments:
Post a Comment